Trying to increase your self-worth after illness or injury can feel like a mammoth task. You’ve been thrown into this unknown land of serious illness or injury, you can’t do what you once did, and you don’t know what to do to feel better. Feeling like you have lost control and aren’t sure who you are anymore is an everyday thing. It’s understandable that your confidence takes a nose dive and your self-worth quickly follows.
So I have an exercise to help you increase your self-worth after illness or injury. It’s easy. And fun. It also ties in nicely with last week’s blog where I wrote about adjusting high standards after an illness or injury and maintaining your self-worth in the process. This exercise can help with that too.
I came up with this idea when chatting to a participant after delivering a self-management course about developing ways to manage one’s health condition. The exercise was well received. So I’m sharing it with you.
It doesn’t matter if you have the illness or injury, how long it’s been since you’ve had it or are the carer. This exercise applies to everyone.
How to increase your self-worth after illness or injury exerciseHave you experienced a #seriousillness #seriousinjury or have a #chronicillenss? Does your #confidence and #selfworth feel low? Increase them w/ this exercise tell a friend
1. Make a list of actions you can take which will make you feel better
These actions help you to look after yourself better and contribute to your sense of wellness. They can be behavioural actions, something someone would see you do or hear you say. Or they can be more mental based, internal to you.
The actions can be related to different parts of your life – how you feel in yourself, your physical wellness, managing your health condition, your recovery/rehabilitation, family relationships, social life, job/career, faith, life purpose, adjusting your own personal high standards, etc.
Here is my list
- Stretch every day and do it during the day so I get away from my desk and computer.
- Walk to the shops every day.
- Reduce portion sizes at meals by 1/3.
- Move to blogging weekly. Write the blog for the next week on a Friday.
- When I get into the typical negative thought cycle that I do, stop and ask myself, ‘What do I really need right now?’
- I imagine being in touch with a friend. So I will email or text them to start the conversation in real life.
- Someone compliments me. I will thank the person and I will not say, ‘Oh, that was nothing,’ as that is minimising what I did. I will also sit with the compliment, notice the positive feelings it gives me and let myself feel how good it makes me feel.
- I will tell myself I am a good person just because.
- Take a luxurious bubble bath once a week.
These are real and current for me right now.
It’s important to notice the characteristics of the actions, as they help to contribute towards your self-worth.
There are a variety of actions, which is good as I am not relying on one type to increase my self-worth.
The actions are helping me to make a change I want for myself. So it’s ok if the actions will be repeated. An action promoting change has to be repeated for the change to become a habit.
They focus on various aspects of my life promoting me to look after myself physically, emotionally, etc.
These actions are FOR ME. And this is incredibly important. When setting your actions, make sure they are FOR YOU. Not purely what other people want you to do for them or actions you want to take to please others.
What I don’t want is for you to end up in a cycle of achieving things to please others to feed your self-worth
It may increase your self-worth, but if these are the only actions which feed your self-worth it gets very tiring after a while and is not sustainable. I know, I did it for a good part of my life.
It’s fine to have some actions which benefit both you and others, like focusing on spending more time with your children, older parents, friends, volunteering, etc.
And it’s fine to have everyday actions that nurture you in some way – making time to read a good book, or have a cup of quiet tea in the morning before the family wakes up, or taking a bubble bath.
If you want a structured exercise to help you set actions for this exercise, then get the free Wellness Assessment from the homepage of my website. It will help you to set goals in areas of your life important to you, and then the actions you can take to start moving yourself towards them.
2. Find a jar with a wide enough opening to put things in
This is your Self-worth Jar. Make sure the jar is such that you can see the contents inside of it, i.e. clear glass or plastic.
Feel free to decorate it as much or as little as you wish.
If you don’t have a jar, a vase can work well.
3. Find an object to represent the actions you plan to take
This can be marbles, stones or gravel, or other small objects. They could even be from nature: acorns, conkers, pinecones, shells. You’ll need a number of these. Or you can use a piece of paper with your action written on it.
Feel free to use a mixture of small items to represent the actions you will take.
Make sure the items representing your actions are in proportion to the size of your Self-Worth Jar. If you jar is too big and the items representing your actions really small, it can take a long time to fill up your jar. You want to make this process achievable for yourself.
4. Every time you take one of your actions, put an object in your Self-Worth Jar
When you do that, metaphorically pat yourself on your back, give yourself a high-5 and tell yourself well done. Notice the feelings you feel and identify where in your body you feel them. Sit with these feelings for a bit. This is REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT TO DO.
I cannot emphasise this enough. When you do this you are learning or reminding yourself:
- What it feels like to do something positive and nurturing for yourself
- What it feels like to set goals which are good for you and to move towards them
- How good it feels to achieve something for yourself
- That it’s ok to do something good purely for yourself
- That you are good and fine just the way you are right now.
Watch your jar fill up. Bask in your self-worth.
5. When your jar is full, continue basking in your self-worth
Notice the feelings you feel and identify where in your body you feel them. Sit with these feelings. I say it again – This is REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT TO DO.
BECAUSE THIS IS WHAT YOUR SELF-WORTH FEELS LIKE!
And when you know what your self-worth feels like, and you consciously and intentionally practice what it feels like, it starts to become a natural and habitual part of you. This helps you to increase your self-worth.
You can empty the jar and start again. You may wish to note somewhere when you have filled up a jar just to remind yourself from time-to-time of how you have helped yourself.
What’s it like for you?
What do you think of this Self-Worth Jar exercise? What strategies have you used to increase your confidence, self-esteem and self-worth? Share your thoughts and questions in the comments below.
Feel free to start your Self-Worth Jar and share it on social media and tag me using the hashtag #selfworthjar
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If you are living with a serious health issue, which may be a serious illness or injury or chronic illness, or are caring for someone who is, and would like support to return to a sense of wellness, have a look at how we can work together and get in touch for a free no obligation consultation.
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© Copyright Barbara Babcock 2018