Are you aware of when you’re carrying other people’s shit? And do you know how to let it go?

These are important questions. Because when you or a loved one are living with a challenging health issue, the last thing you need is carrying other people’s shit around. That takes energy. You end up having less energy to do good things for yourself.

So I am going to share the signs that you might be carrying other people’s shit.

And the one question you can ask yourself to help you stop carrying other people’s shit.

Apologies in advance for using the word ‘shit’. I am using it because sometimes fruity language helps to get a point across. An alternative word is ‘stuff’. In quotations.

A woman is carrying other people's shit and her own shit. She is saying, 'All this shit smells and I have no room to carry anything good for me.' This is the impact when you carry other people's unhelpful stuff.

Here are some of the signs that you might be carrying other people’s shit

You react on automatic pilot to events or what people say. And try to control a lot as a consequence. But this isn’t getting you anywhere.

You feel like you question yourself, your ideas and motives a bit too much.

You over analyse and over think things a lot.

You hear yourself say a lot:

S/he made me feel…

If only they would…

Why can’t they…

They had better do…

S/he never does…

You feel stressed a lot of the time.

You do what other people think you should do. And feel crestfallen when you do that. You feel like you’re doing stuff to please other people a lot of the time.

You’re feeling like you are not getting to do what you want to do.

You’re just not taking action to move forward in your life yet you want to.

If you have ongoing symptoms due to your health issue, they feel worse when you’re feeling stressed. Which is a lot of the time.

You don’t listen to what your gut (or instinct or heart) are telling you very much.

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It’s tiring to carry other people’s shit like that

Not only is it tiring. For all you know, you have one life. Why live it like that? You’re plenty busy already living with your or your loved one’s challenging health issue.

The one question which will help you to stop carrying other people’s shit

When you feel yourself over thinking something, questioning yourself too much, not taking action, or doing one of other the things mentioned above, ask yourself this simple question:

Is this my shit or someone else’s shit?

It might be yours. But often times, it can be someone else’s.

Do you want to know the one question which will help you to stop carrying other people’s shit? Click here #mentalhealth #health #wellness Click To Tweet

How do you know if it’s someone else’s shit?

When you ask yourself that question, pause and notice what comes up. It can be memories, unpleasant or otherwise, from when you were young. It may be your parents saying or doing something to you or others.

We learn to carry other people’s shit from a young age. You tend to pick up messages from the key people in your life about what you should or should not do. These are usually from authority figures like parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, teachers, friend’s parents, bosses at work, etc. But can also be from friends, colleagues, people you have experienced bullying from, spouse/partner and kids.

You can also ask yourself the question:

If someone else in my life said the kind of stuff I’m telling myself now, who would that be?

Picture of an original quote by Return to Wellness: "If you think you are carrying other people's shit (or unhelpful stuff), ask yourself this question - If someone else in my life said the kind of stuff I'm telling myself now, who would that be?"

I have found clients can pretty quickly identify who in their life they have learned these messages from.

Once you have that awareness, you know it’s not your shit.

As you do this more and more, you learn how to spot more quickly whether you are carrying other people’s shit or your own.

So how do you actually stop carrying other people’s shit?

You have to make a conscious choice to let their shit go.

One way to do that is to start listening to yourself much more closely a lot more of the time. To increase your self-awareness. And to notice not only your thoughts, but also what your body is telling you.

I often request clients to sense into their gut feeling (or intuition or heart) to feel what is right for them.

They often know what is good and right for themselves. I bet you do too.

A woman is saying, 'I can't keep carrying other people's shit. I have plenty of my own to carry.' She is still holding her own shit but is throwing other people's shit into a toilet.

The bonus of not carrying other people’s shit is…

There are several actually.

When you stop carrying other people’s shit, the stress you feel reduces. You feel calmer.

If you live with ongoing symptoms due to your health issue, you may find they lessen. I’ve seen this with clients who have reported feeling less pain and then worked with their doctor to reduce their pain medication. That’s big stuff.

Your energy is freed up. You have more capacity to carry your own energy and using that to do good and healthy things for you.

And you’ve got your own shit to carry. Which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. I’ll tell you why.

Your shit is your worst habits, the not-so-good bits about your personality and behaviours. It’s your shadow side. We all have one. You’re not alone.

But when you become aware of your shit, and how it impacts you and others, then you have more choices. You can choose to do something different and there is a good kind of energy to that. Your shit paradoxically ends up becoming fertiliser for doing what you want in your life.

A woman is standing holding a ball which has 'my new energy' written on it and in her other arm she is holding what looks like fertilizer and it has flowers growing out of it. She is saying, 'I have room for my energy now. And my shit is more like fertiliser.' The point of this picture is that when you stop carrying other people's shit, you have room to carry new energy you can use for you. And when you become aware of your own unhelpful stuff, i.e. your shit, you have more choice to do something different.

What’s it like for you?

When do you know you are carrying other people’s shit? What are the signs? What has been the impact for you of not carrying other people’s shit? Share your thoughts or questions in the comments below or alternatively email them to me (contact form in sidebar).  

If you are living with a challenging health issue or are caring for someone who is, and would like support on any of the issues discussed here, have a look at how we can work together and get in touch for a free no obligation consultation.

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© Copyright Barbara Babcock 2019

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