I’m going to make the case for why you need a fuck it list this year and how to create one. You probably have a bucket list for all the fun things you want to do in life before you die. The bucket and fuck it lists go hand-in-hand. One is what you want to do. The other the stuff you don’t want to do.
A fuck it list is liberating
It is you taking a stand and saying, ‘Right, I had enough of this. This is going to change!’
That is why I’ve chosen to use fruity language. It’s to emphasise a strong resolve to do something different. If you don’t like the word I’ve chosen, replace it with another one that is meaningful to you.
Life is short. If you’re dealing with a challenging health issue or are in a caring role, you know that more than most. This is about making the most of your precious life and using the energy you have in a way that is nourishing rather than draining. That’s why you need a fuck it list.
What goes on your fuck it list?
Here’s a sample of what this kind of list contains.
Don’t want to worry about anymore – For example, what other people may think of you
Something you really want to stop doing or do less of – Soften your inner critical voice, stop feeling so lost in relation to your illness or injury, eat less biscuits and sweets
An unhelpful habit you want to change – Turning to alcohol when you’re upset
A toxic relationship you want to let go of
Saying yes to please people when it would be an act of self-care to say no
It’s the negative, unhelpful and unhealthy things in your life which go on your fuck it list
Whatever you want to change has to be in your control to change
You can learn more about what is in your control and what isn’t here in this 11 minute video This is key as you don’t want to be wasting your energy on trying to change things that are outside your control.
4 important considerations for your fuck it list
First, just as it’s important to know what you want to stop doing, it’s just as important to know what you will do instead.
For example, if you want to drink less alcohol, what will you do instead? Drink mocktails? Exercise? Draw? Clean? Or if you want to soften your inner critical voice, what will you say to yourself instead?
Second, be mindful regarding any expectations you have of yourself to make changes overnight.
Sometimes we can expect ourselves to get something 100% right the very first time we do it. But if the change you want to make has been difficult in the past (quitting smoking for example) or is something completely new, it may take time for it to become easy and quick to do well. And that’s ok. It’s key you manage your expectations of yourself when it comes to making change.
Third, treat doing something new as a learning process.
When you learn something new, you may not do it as you hoped to the first, second, or even third time you do it. That’s ok. Figure out what you learned and what you could do differently going forwards then try that. Being willing to try something new on an ongoing basis helps.
Remember this mnemonic: FAIL – First Attempt In Learning
Fourth, take a daily dose of self-compassion
Getting help can make your fuck it list a reality
The non-judgemental, objective, third party support of a coach can help you figure out
what to put on your fuck it list,
what you can do instead to get to where you want to be, and
your self-sabotage strategies and how to neutralise those.
Having the support of loved ones and friends helps enormously too. A coach and these sources of support help you get to where you want to be faster.
So what will you put on your fuck it list this year?
Share in the comments below.
If you are living with a challenging health issue or caring for someone who is, and would like support on any of the issues discussed here, you can
Is it possible to have a life purpose when living with chronic illness or a serious injury? Or being a carer? You may think it’s no longer possible. A pipe dream. And that can feel devastating. Lonely too. Especially when you look at people around you getting on with their lives like you used to.
I think it is possible to have a life purpose when living with chronic illness, injury or as a carer. Yes, I’m an optimist. But also a realist. And being a realist means we have to strip things back and do a rethink. Which in turn means challenging our assumptions around illness/injury/caring and having a life purpose. Plus acknowledging the really hard bits and getting support when we need it.
So let’s get started.
When you think of having a life purpose, what do you think of?
Is it doing what others around you are doing? Ticking off life’s typical milestones: building your career, buying a property, having kids, getting married, having a retirement doing what you enjoy, grandchildren, etc.?
Is it about doing a meaningful job whether paid or unpaid?
A life purpose is about you and your life. It provides direction for living your life, guidelines even. It gives shape and meaning to your life and makes it a worthwhile one to live.
Your life purpose can be about:
Job/ career
Hobbies and personal interests
The contribution you are making to the world in whatever form that takes – blogging, advocating for a cause via social media channels, writing articles when you can, volunteering, your job/career, etc..
Achieving goals you find meaningful
Your values – What you stand for and consider important
Your strengths and passions
What motivates you to get up in the morning
Things you enjoy
What you find energising
Key relationships
The people you surround yourself with
Your children, grandchildren, nieces, nephews (or choosing not to have children)
How you treat others
Helping others
What you find meaningful and worthwhile
Who you are as a person – the good and
not-so-good
A religious/spiritual faith
The culture you were raised in (or adopted) and
its traditions
A variety of things can make up your life purpose. And some of the items on this list may overlap for you.
How are you defining a life purpose when living with chronic illness?
Before you started to read this blog, how did you define your life purpose? Was it based on one of the items listed above, a few of them or a lot?
Notice any trends in how you thought about your life purpose.
For example, was it based on what you see others doing? Or things you once did
but can no longer do?
Or have you been thinking that having a life purpose when living
with chronic illness is no longer possible? That a life purpose is only
possible if you have no health issues?
The purpose of these questions is to highlight any
assumptions you may be holding about what constitutes a life purpose and the
possibilities of having a life purpose when living with chronic illness.
If you’ve noticed any assumptions you’re holding, ask yourself if they are helpful to you now or is it time to let them go. And ask yourself what do you want for yourself?
It can feel like chronic illness takes your life purpose away from you
You may not be able to do all that you did before its onset – your job, hobbies, or being able to spontaneously move about and do things as you wish. Things like what you enjoy and find energising. Even you as a person may also have changed.
The changes that a chronic illness introduces to your life are
a change in boundaries. And the boundaries can feel restrictive because they
are so different.
You will still have some from that list above and the ability to rebuild others.
This isn’t always a straightforward or easy task. It can take time. It may require you to find new passions for example, develop new strengths and inner qualities even.
Here are 3 recommendations for a life purpose when living with chronic illness
1. Make sure you don’t put all your eggs in one basket
This means to have your life purpose be dependent on one thing.
This applies to you even if you don’t have a chronic
illness.
Because if your one thing doesn’t work out, like having a particular job/career, then it’s so much easier to feel dejected, low, a sense of failing, etc.
Make sure your life purpose is based on a number of things.
2. A life purpose doesn’t have to be big and grand
You don’t have to be doing a job that is changing the world, requires you to lead lots of people, or is highly paid. Or be a blogger or influencer with loads of followers.
You event don’t have to be ticking off all the life
milestones your friends and family may be doing.
Your life purpose can be about what is right for you and the size that is right for you.
Like keeping the people important to you close and maintaining those relationships. A hobby you can do when you’re well enough. Getting out in nature when you can. Savouring small moments that make you smile. Discovering the depth of empathy you have and celebrating that.
3. Be mindful of how you look at and think about your life when living with chronic illness
Because that is how you’re defining your life.
If you are consistently defining your life as one that isn’t what it was or should be, it is a life focused on wanting the past but knowing one can’t have it, and upset that the future one expected won’t be. It is also focused on loss and deficit. It can be so emotionally draining.
If you are doing this, please show lots of compassion to
yourself. Because this can be a symptom of grief for what you no longer have. Having
various forms of support whilst you’re in this phase can help you deal with the
grief, move through and beyond it.
Also, if you assume that having a life purpose when living with chronic illness isn’t possible, you can end up unknowingly living to a societal assumption that being chronically ill means that you cannot have a life worth living. That the two are mutually exclusive.
You are still the architect of your life purpose when living with chronic illness
At times it may not feel like it. There are some things in our life, particularly regarding our health, we can’t always directly and fully control. But you are still your own architect.
Even if you don’t feel ready just yet to purposefully start
redesigning your life purpose, you can gently ask yourself once in a while, ‘When
I am ready, what kind of life and life purpose do I want whilst living with
this chronic illness?’
And if you are ready to start redesigning your life purpose, what kind of life do you want? What do you want your life to stand for? And what action can you take to start making it happen?
As you live, have new experiences, grow and change, your life purpose will change. That’s ok. And natural.
And it’s ok not to define a life purpose when living with chronic illness
Maybe you like to let things unfold and go with the flow. That’s cool too.
It’s your life. So you determine it.
What’s it like for you?
What do you think about having a life purpose when living with chronic illness? Is it possible? Is it worth it? And do you have one? Share your thoughts or questions in the comments below or alternatively email them to me (contact form in sidebar).
If you are living with a challenging health issue or are caring for someone who is, and would like support on any of the issues discussed here,
It’s not uncommon to feel you get left behind in life due to your illness or injury or caring responsibilities. It can happen in variety of ways.
It may be that you’re still at an earlier level in your career as compared to peers. That can happen when you have to devote time to hospital appointments, treatments, surgeries, recuperation or caring responsibilities.
Between getting ill/injured or caring and getting back to life, you can feel out of touch with your friends. They have continued with life whilst it feels you’ve had to step out of it. When you step back in, it’s like you’re on a different path. You have a whole bunch of other stuff to contend with that they don’t. And they may come across as oblivious as to what you’ve had to deal with.
Or you can’t do as much due to fatigue, pain, mobility issues, caring responsibilities or something else. So you have to cancel plans, or leave engagements early, or you can take part in an activity but not in the way the majority can.
Want to move beyond feeling like you’ve been left behind in your life due to your illness, injury or caring responsibilities?
There’s are several comparisons that can often happen.
The obvious comparison is comparing yourself to your peers, to what they can do and you cannot.
The second comparison is comparing the you now and your current capabilities to your previous self and his/her capabilities. But is it that fair comparison? It’s like comparing apples and oranges. Yet I totally appreciate how that happens. Because you used to be able to do what your peers are doing. AND you enjoyed that activity and all it represents, i.e. a good time, sense of belonging, the contribution you made, etc.
With any of these comparisons you can get that feeling of getting left behind in life due to your illness or injury. All these comparisons can be a lot for you to hold. They can be draining. So notice this is happening, be gentle with yourself and move on to step 2.
2. Acknowledge how you feel about it.
You may feel left out, left behind, sad and upset, alone, angry, frustrated or something else. It’s important to acknowledge that to yourself. It’s a way to validate your feelings and experience which is a psychologically healthy thing to do.
3. Mourn for what you’re not getting to experience
What you’re experiencing in these moments is a sense of loss. Whether that relates to not being able to take part in a favourite activity, make a contribution in a way you value, feel a sense of belonging with a friendship group, or something else.
Mourning what you have lost is also a psychological healthy thing to do. But it may not be easy. The feelings it brings up can feel unpleasant and negative. And you might worry they will never go away. They do pass. But for that to happen, you have to let yourself feel them.
4. Create a life so you get to experience what you value
This is about adapting how you approach activities you enjoy so you can take part in a way that you’re happy with. Or finding new activities. And by activities, I mean the job you do for a living, volunteering opportunities, hobbies, interests, and social engagements for example. It may also include developing new friendships.
To create a life you value and find worthwhile living requires you to do that with intention. By that I mean to have a good think about what you want for yourself and your life, what you desire, developing a plan to achieve that, and then take action.
5. Recognise that you are on a different journey which is personal to you
You may have moments where you slip back into making comparisons that leave you feeling upset and frustrated. Given we humans are social beings, it is a human thing to do.
It’s about reminding yourself that this is about you focusing on you, your needs, your goals, what you’re learning and your journey. Your peers are on their journey. You are on your journey. And it’s about how you can make your journey one that you feel is worthwhile to be on.
What’s it like for you when you get left behind in life due to your illness or injury or caring responsibilities?
What triggers it? How do you feel? And how have you coped? Share your thoughts or questions in the comments below or alternatively email them to me (contact form in sidebar).
If you are living with a challenging health issue or caring for someone who is, and would like support on any of the issues discussed here, you can
When others tell you to ‘move on from your illness’ or ‘shouldn’t you let it go now’ whenever you speak about it, you can feel guilty. Like you’ve done something wrong. It can also feel like your experience of the illness or injury, treatment and everything it means for you going forwards in your life, including all the difficulties, are completely disregarded. You can feel lonely.
Maybe you had cancer, the onset of a chronic neurological condition, heart attack or something else. Whatever you had, it has fundamentally changed your body. You have also changed as a result.
How can you move on from your illness when the illness and all it represents is still with you?
It can be hard to move on because you may be living with a daily reminder of the illness or injury in terms of ongoing symptoms, medication and how you need to look after yourself.
But what do we mean by ‘move on from your illness or injury’?
Let’s unpick those phrases ‘move on’ and ‘let go’.
When someone says to you, ‘Shouldn’t you let go of it?’ or ‘Isn’t it time you moved on from your illness?’ several things could be going on.
They may be genuinely worried for you, concerned you’re not finding it easy to cope and maybe even wondering what they can do to help. They may even make suggestions of what you can do to let go and move on. This may come from a genuine place on their part.
When others say those phrases, they may be tired of hearing the same story. Even if they’re a friend or family member. This can be due for all sorts of reasons.
Some people do not have the capacity to hear the same thing again. People will have different levels of capacity for listening and responding.
Or they don’t want to be reminded of a difficult time even though the illness or injury happened to you not them. It could be what you say sparks anxiety in them whether consciously or unconsciously, and they don’t want to feel/experience that.
Letting go and moving on from your illness can mean ‘stop talking about it’
Or even, ‘Forget that it happened.’
We can end up stigmatising difficult feelings and emotions in our society so talking about them get stigmatised too. We’ve just learned a different way to say it, i.e. let go and move on from your illness.
As for forgetting that it happened, of course some days you may feel like that. That’s normal. But trying to forget it in an unhealthy way can be a form of denial.
But talking about it is a way to make sense of your experience
Even if it is 5, 10, 15 years or more since you had the illness or injury. It takes people different lengths of time to make sense of a difficult experience. And that’s ok. There are no specific timescales for how long this could take. We are all different.
If you look at trauma literature, talking about your experience is a way to make sense of what is often a traumatic experience, which a serious illness or injury can be. McGrath (2001) states that people ‘work through their feelings’ by ‘telling their story a hundred times’ and this is the ‘means by which they begin to dispel the feelings of distress attached to their memories’.
You may talk about your experience 100 times, 50 times, 10 times, or once. There is no ‘right’ number.
Also, as time moves on, you change and so look at and review the experience of your illness or injury with new eyes. And you may need to make sense of that too in addition to the original experience of your illness or injury. You may also notice that how you talk about your illness or injury may change too.
The illness can stay with you in many forms. It’s part of you and your life.
As a result of the illness or injury, you may get involved in campaigning and advocacy work. Or you may go to a support group, run a support group, start a blog, build a website of resources and useful information, or even start a charity. You may do none of those things but get back to your life in a way that is meaningful for you.
In that way, no you don’t move on from your illness nor do you need to.
Instead, the key thing is integration of your illness or injury experience
It’s how you integrate the experience of the illness or injury, then and now, into you and your life. You want to integrate it in a way that feels healthy to you rather than it negatively dominating your life all of the time.
What’s it like for you?
What does ‘letting go’ and ‘moving on from your illness or injury’ mean to you? How have you integrated the experience of your illness or injury into your life? Share your thoughts or questions in the comments below or alternatively email them to me (contact form in sidebar).
If you are living with a challenging health issue or caring for someone who is, and would like support on any of the issues discussed here, you can
You can make your new years resolutions successful by doing three easy things. If you set resolutions now or at another time of the year, chances are you want to succeed at achieving them. Yet sometimes things get in the way which means you don’t, despite well-meaning efforts you made. This happens a lot. It has happened to me.
I want to share these three things as it’s not any kind of secret, but I notice a lot of people often don’t follow them. They’re important as it’s about laying the foundation for a resolution which will help you get what you want for yourself and your life this year.
Note: For some people the word ‘resolution’ really grates. Use the word that works for you. Goal. Objective. Intention. Possibility. Something else. I’m going to use the word resolution. Also, some people don’t set resolutions at New Year’s. That’s fine. What I write here applies at any time of the year.
The first thing to do to make your new years resolutions successful
Focus on what you want instead of what you don’t want
When we want to do, think or feel something different, we often phrase it as
I don’t want…
There is a focus on what we don’t want or what we want to
lose. Understandable. It’s a good starting point.
You need to balance that by also focusing on what you want
instead.
Because when you take something away – i.e. what you don’t
want to be doing – putting something in its place will help you know what to
focus on.
If you don’t do this, you can end up focusing your energies on what you no longer want rather than moving towards what you do want. And this is when people tend to give up.
Here’s an example
Not be so critical of myself.
That’s a very common new year resolution. The danger is leaving it like that. You risk just saying, ‘Don’t be so critical of yourself!’ when you notice yourself being self-critical. You end up criticising yourself for being self-critical. Not helpful.
Think about what you want to be doing instead and include specific behaviours
To make your new years resolutions successful you can reword them to include specific behaviours of what you will be doing differently. For example:
When I notice myself being self-critical, I will tell myself, ‘Oh hey, there I go again.’ I will also smile as a way of showing myself self-compassion.
The second thing to do to make your new years resolutions successful
Figure out how you will incorporate what you want to do into your daily routine
This is important. So many people don’t think about this up front. They may have the resolution to ‘get fit’, they get a gym membership, go to the gym after work, do this for a few weeks in January, then stop because at the end of the work day they are so tired and just want to veg out in front of the tv. Or they have kids to put to bed.
If you give a bit of thought as to what action you can take and when during your day, it can help you figure out if your resolution is realistic. Or do you need to adapt it in some way so it is more achievable for you.
For example, I learned that I either have to live close to a gym, less than a mile walk, or I have to have a mini gym in my house. As I don’t live close to a gym, I opted for the mini gym in the house.
It is also a trial and error process. I learned I have to work out first thing in the morning after waking up and before any coffee or breakfast. The workout gets the highest priority. If I do that, the workout gets done.
Be open to trial and error
If it doesn’t work out the first time, don’t give up. Just find another way. You will eventually land on a way that works for you.
Remember, when you were a baby, you didn’t walk perfectly or eat well with a spoon the first time you attempted it. It probably too you several weeks to months to learn.
The third thing to do to make your new years resolutions successful
Make your resolution specific
The other thing we often don’t do is make the goal specific. Let’s go back to the examples we used previously.
Not be so critical of myself.
versus
When I notice myself being self-critical, I will tell myself,
‘Oh hey, there I go again.’ I will also smile as a way of showing myself
self-compassion.
The first one feels kind of big. When something feels big, it can sometimes feel overwhelming. Too big to start making a change.
But when you break the resolution down into smaller actions, it can feel so much more do-able and manageable. That’s a key ingredient to make your new years resolutions successful.
The second resolution above is a good example of that. It outlines specific things the person will do so she is no longer so critical of herself.
Keep your actions small
Specific actions are naturally smaller actions and these help you make your new years resolutions successful.
I was working with carers not long ago and a common goal they
often have is to get fit. When we broke that goal down, taking more exercise
became an important component. But the carers were worried whether they would
actually take the time to exercise. So I said do it for 5 minutes at the start.
That’s all.
When I re-introduced exercise back into my life in 2018, the first routine I did was 6 minutes long. That’s it. Since then, I’ve slowly built up the amount of time I exercise. I dropped a dress size in the past year, my body shape has changed, and my cardio function has improved.
These are the benefits of keeping your resolutions small
Specific actions are naturally smaller actions and these help you make your new years resolutions successful.
A small (tiny even) action enables you to get started. Getting started is important.
It’s easier to take smaller action as it may not take as much time. So you’re more likely to keep taking the action(s) which makes it easier to build habits. Habits are good for lasting change.
Smaller actions allow you to work to a pace you are capable of and comfortable with given everything else going on in your life. It may mean change happens more slowly, but chances are much greater it will be long lasting change.
There is another reason why specific and small actions are important
When you or a loved one is dealing with a challenging health issue, you are dealing with some big changes. And all you want is to get your life back and feel like yourself again.
It can feel overwhelming. My clients have said this to me. I have personally experienced this.
Specific and small actions help you to not pile expectations
onto yourself. But to take things at a gentler pace.
Small is good, achievable and gentle.
What’s it like for you?
What do you think will help you to make your new years resolutions successful? What has worked in the past for you? Share your thoughts or questions in the comments below or alternatively email them to me (contact form in sidebar).
If you are living with a challenging health issue or are caring for someone who is, and would like support on any of the issues discussed here, have a look at how we can work together and get in touch for a free no obligation consultation.
Pass it forward
Has this blog made you think? Helped you in some way? Share it so it can do the same for someone else.
Figuring out how to deal with your life now versus how it should be can be hard. Frustrating. Sad. Something has happened to you and your life that wasn’t in the plan. And it means that the life you had planned for yourself – your life how it should be – may no longer be possible.
Maybe what has happened was a challenging health issue has come into your or a loved one’s life. Your life or theirs may be changed forever as a result. Or maybe it’s a relationship betrayal or breakdown, redundancy, bankruptcy, move to a new home/city/country, or even the death of someone close to you. Or your life just hasn’t panned out in the way you had hoped for any number of reasons.
So how do you deal with your life now versus how it should be?
The clue on how to deal with your life now versus how it should be is in that title
Look at the words
‘your life now versus how it should be’
There are two things happening in those words. I’m going to outline what they are and what you can do to reconcile the differences to help you deal with your life now versus how it should be.
First, what is the ‘versus’ like for you?
When at a sporting event or playing a game, we use the word ‘versus’ to indicate two teams playing ‘against’ each other. The versus has connotations of winning and losing. One team will win the other will lose.
We then take that versus and use it on other areas of our
lives. A union versus the government. You versus your boss. Boys versus girls.
In relation to how to deal with your life now versus how it
should be, what is the energy in the versus for you?
Does the ‘versus’ feel like a fight? One that you aren’t winning? Are you in this perpetual state of losing? Or something else?
Sometimes, the use of the word ‘should’ can fuse these two – what was expected to happen was the right thing to happen.
But there can be difficulty when the ‘should’ becomes a rule
When a person holds on tightly to what they consider the right and appropriate thing to do or be, that is when ‘should’ becomes more like a rule. The harder the person holds on to that ‘should’, the more fixed it becomes as a rule.
We often inherent such rules from the primary caregivers in our families of origin. Your mother, father, siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles, even teachers and friends’ parents. When we inherited them, they were useful at that time.
So how do you reconcile the differences between your life now and how it should be?
Because sometimes the should you learned in childhood was appropriate for that stage of your life but isn’t now. But you may learned the should more recently from people around you or even social media. Do this by asking yourself:
If someone from my past would have said this, who would that be?
If I learned this should more recently, from who or where did I learn it?
Is it helpful for me and my life to continue operating to this should?
If you’ve identified someone and you’ve realised it’s no
longer helpful to carry around this should, then you can give that should back
to them (on an energetic level).
Also, whenever you notice yourself using the word ‘should’ to show what is right, appropriate and correct, replace it with the word ‘could’. Notice what that is like for you.
Check the kind of energy you are putting into the ‘versus’
Is it the kind of energy where you feel like you are fighting to get to your life as it ‘should’ be but you’re not getting anywhere?
What if you were to let go of that fight and just be with
how your life is now?
I appreciate that this can be a big ask because some
situations are very tough to be in. As a start, just put the fight to one side
for a bit and notice what that is like for you. You can return to it if you
choose to.
So why did I suggest putting the fight to one side?
Check if you’re in the grip of ‘comparsion-itis’
Comparison is a common strategy people use to deal with their life now versus how it should be.
If you are constantly comparing your life as it is now
versus how it should be, you are not happy with your life now and you are happy
with the vision and hopes of how your life should be, yeah, that is gonna be
hard. It can feel very negative.
Sometimes your life how it should be is your pre-illness/injury life and you are striving to get back to that. Reading this blog will also help.
That kind of constant comparison is energy draining. Your
life now will never be good enough. And do you want to live your life like
that?
I reckon you are probably shaking your head no.
So change the nature of the comparison you’re making as you deal with your life now versus how it should be
Your life ‘as it should be’ could be something in the future. It may be possible to achieve, it may not. Or maybe something in the middle of those two is achievable.
If the life you have dreamt for yourself is truly not possible, then mourn that loss
It’s a very real loss. Although our western society doesn’t always embrace or even allow mourning, it is a legitimate and healthy thing to do. And you can mourn without unpacking and living in it forever and ever. When you mourn you are honouring someone or something you valued. That is ok to do. It also helps to put an end to unhealthy comparison.
Reflect on the possibility of creating a life that is somewhere between, even beyond, the life you have now and the life you had hoped for
Depending on what you had hoped for in your life, how can
you create it or aspects of it now in the life you do have? It may take a
different form. It may take more effort on your part to make happen. It may
take a while to make happen. But what are the possibilities? And what actions
can you start taking to make them happen? However small those actions may be.
This is about purposefully creating the life you want given
everything that you have dealt with and may have to deal with.
These possibilities can be flexible and adaptable goals. I use the words flexible and adaptable to highlight that you may need to be open to changing how you reach the goal, aspects of the goal or even the goal itself. This can help lessen a ‘rule fixed should’ taking hold.
Reading this related blog on finding the new you after a difficult experience like the onset of a challenging health issue or something else, will also help.
If it’s not yet possible to create the life you want, then notice the good in your life now and what makes you smile
That may sound really cliched, but it has value because it’s true.
Maybe you are dealing with a lot of uncertainty so until some of that lessens you can’t say what you want your life to be like or you know but don’t have the energy to create it just yet. For example, when you’re in the acute phase of a challenging health issue and having treatment, or in a flare, or even for situations such as divorce, bankruptcy, redundancy, something else.
So take a deep breath.
Let go of the struggle.
Notice the small, even tiny things that make you smile and remind you of the good in the world.
Someone who smiles at you on the street. A funny meme on social media. The bird outside your house. The sun shining. A hug a loved one gives you. A cup of tea someone makes for you or you make for them. A news story about something someone did that was kind.
Just keep noticing those small things day-in and day-out, day after day. That helps you to keep some good in your life which helps to keep a sense of balance. It also makes sure you don’t forget how to notice the good things, which is so important.
Finally, if comparison-it is ever starts to take hold…
Remind yourself that you only need to compare you and your life to the you and your life of yesterday.
What’s it like for you?
What resonated with you in this blog? In learning how to deal with your life now versus how it should be, what would help you? Or has helped? Share your thoughts or questions in the comments below or alternatively email them to me (contact form in sidebar).
If you are living with a challenging health issue or are caring for someone who is, and would like support on any of the issues discussed here, have a look at how we can work together and get in touch for a free no obligation consultation.
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Has this blog made you think? Helped you in some way? Share it so it can do the same for someone else.
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